My Testimony: Page One

My story is one of many twists, turns, and near disasterous pitfalls that could have led to everlasting despair. Yet because of the grace of God, I’m here typing out my testimony. I’ve made several attempts to do this, but they always become so filled with detail that I end up abandoning the effort. Yesterday, however, after reading the testimonies of a number of saints from various backgrounds, I was convinced that this needs to be done. It will probably sound monotonous, but ”HERE IT GOES!” It should be noted that the first twenty comments were placed here when this page consisted of a single paragraph and was entitled “About.”

INSTALLMENT I ”AND SO YOU FIND YOURSELF IN 82″

It was the fall of 1982 and I was entering my senior year of high school. I was not a very serious person in those days (in those days?) and my love for clowning around to generate laughs made it difficult to concentrate on school work. I graduated, but just barely. While humor can be a positive thing at times, it can be very destructive if overdone. It’s something that I still wrestle with insofar as finding appropriate boundaries. Excessive clowning around is like drunkeness and it can carry one away. When I was a youth, I knew no limits and, had the Lord not pulled me out of darkness when he did, I cannot imagine where I would be today.

To complicate matters even more, I had a casual fascination with the supernatuiral and unexplainable. Extraterrestrials, ghosts, anomalies in the physical world, (such as the Bermuda Triangle) ANYTHING that offered up evidence that the world was far more fascinating than the picture painted by the news media and conventional wisdom. (Not to mention a healthy appetite for science fiction.) This is partly why I never became too interested in sports, (except football to a degree) hunting, cars, or a number of other things that most normal midwestern guys were interested in. (I think that my only area of normality was in the theater of hormones.) The world was just…boring…and somehow, I knew that there must be more to life than engaging in pastimes, growing up, getting a job, collecting stuff, marrying the girl of your dreams, having perfect kids (lol) getting old, retiring, and being shipped off to a nursing home until the breathing stops.

This is how a number of testimonies inspired me to try, once again, to write this out. I was a prime candidate to become ensnared by certain casual interests. Manifestations of the exotic have a magnetic like “pull” to them. It’s by the grace of God that I never went too far beyond the curiosity stage. That grace came in several forms. One such “block” was a good friend of mine who began seeking OBEs and dabbling into witchcraft during our senior year. His demeanor, went from being somewhat dark and angry to being really dark and angry. He used this newfound interest to seek control over those around him. I was unsaved at the time and found this situation to be disturbing. My only weapon at the time was to engage in humorous agitation, but in reality, I was fearful of what Jon had become.

Second was fear in general. Despite the confusion of those days, I had a fear of death and a fear of God. Every time I heard of a suicide, I was baffled at how someone could be so lacking in fear of the afterlife that they would resort to this. In hindsight, I know that this was the Lord being merciful and not turning me over to inpenetrable hardness. I still remember one night when I awakened to an unseen ”presence” in my bedroom which was so dark and evil that I almost freaked. (Well, actually I did freak, but I did it quietly as to not wake anyone up) The element of fear really kept me in check during those times; despite the incredible curiosity.

Thirdly, and this will seem to contradict my character of those times, I believed the bible to be the word of God. I tried to question it and I even rehearsed to others the old line “it’s filled with contradictions.” Yet somehow, I knew that it was real, (despite knowing very little about it) I believed that God was real, and I believed that Jesus Christ was his only begotten Son. In hindsight, I was a disaster waiting to happen in those days, and yet the Lord was merciful and these three things, along with other roadblocks kept me from going headlong down some roads that, tragicallly for many, have no return ticket. This is the case with everyone who is born of the Spirit.  If we had perished the day prior to coming to Jesus, we would be eternally lost at this very moment.

In the summer of 1983, the girl next door moved to down to Elkhart Indiana to live with an her aunt and uncle. I began visiting regularly as Teresa and I had been reallly close for years. Her aunt and uncle attended a pentecostal church, but they never really tried to hammer me (that’s how I would have perceived it in those days) about their faith. They engaged me in casual conversation, and would answer questions whenever I asked them. They were primarily focusing on Teresa, who eventually revolted and left. Dennis and MaryAnn Loved the Lord Jesus and whenever I was around them there was a peace that prevailed. As the summer of 83 progressed, I began to realize my need for a relationship with the Lord. The draw was very noticeable and “sweet.” I found myself “desiring” to be a christian although, at the time, I didn’t know how to go about it, or even to inquire about it. 

INSTALLMENT II ”THE HOUR I FIRST BELIEVED” 

September of 1983 rolled around and I was entertaining certain thoughts that i had never entertained before. One was a desire to have what Dennis and MaryAnn had. I was scheduled to go into the navy on December 5 which would take me to San Diego for boot camp. I determined that, upon arriving in San Diego, I would pursue this matter further. This will sound nutty, but I determined this because if I began to change in such a manner around all of the people that I knew, they wouldn’t understand. (They still don”t 25 years later) I still didn’t really know how to go about “becomming a christian” but I knew that I desired what Teresas Aunt and uncle had. They were focusing on Teresa who had quite a wild side. They had no idea of the wrestlings that I was going through.

I don’t remember the date, but it was a Friday in mid-September, at around 11:30 in the morning while sitting in my folks living room. Flipping through television channels (we had five in those days…well; that’s done. lol) One of those five happened to be operated by Lester Sumralls ministry and on here I stopped just as a man was talking about being born again. The words “you can know that you are saved and have a relationship with Jesus” caught my attention and I found myself listening to every word. That morning, from my heart, I repented of my sin; understanding that Jesus had paid for my sin on Calvary, and asked him to come into my life and make me one of his own. It was that moment, on a otherwise mundane September morning, that my life was forever changed as “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

At first I felt nothing different as I thought I would. Instead I heard, as it were, a voice that seemed to be near my right ear. This voice said “You can never live a christian life. You know what you are like. Three days from now, you’ll be back to being the same old timbob” (I’ve had this nickname since high school) This caught my attention and what the devil had intended to use to discourage me, had a different effect. That moment I determined in my heart of hearts and said out loud to the source of that discouraging thought “NO!” I’m serious about this I meant everything that I just prayed. I am giving my life to Jesus who gave his life for me!”

The first three days were different than any other time in my life. I hadn’t told anyone yet, but began reading scripture which now seemed to be understandable. (even the 17th century English words made sense) and began to talk with the Lord. Three days later, I told my mom about what had happened, not knowing what she would make of this. Her response was “I’m happy for you. I was thinking that you had been acting different these past couple of days.” This seemed to bolster my faith immensely; if others were noticing the change without me having said anything. Just like being around Dennis and MaryAnn. Just being in their presence; one knew that they were not like other people; even other professing christians.

During those first three months, I learned what I could, began to really enjoy Lester Sumralls teachings, and began to develop a prayer life. My favorite times then (and are still) was to be out under the stars fellowshipping with Jesus. Before being saved, the stars were fascinating from a different perspective and I can understand why the bible warns about not worshiping the host of heaven. Looking into the stars is like looking into eternity; so vast and without definable boundaries. As a christian, however, they declare loudly “God is; and he has created all things for his pleasure.” 

There were trouble spots; one of which caused me torment for years after. One night, in a course of conversation, I thought I had committed the unpardonable sin. This was devastating and I repented fervently saying “Oh Lord; did I blow it after only three weeks?” There was one VERY IMPORTANT LESSON to come out of this. That is to watch my words and not speak without thinking or comment on something when I’m not certain that I have understanding. In later years, other saints would be baffled at how easily disturbed I became at careless words; spoken without thinking. (I’ve even been told to lighten up. Not something that a former class clown is accustomed to hearing) I still marvel at how careless many professing christians are when it comes to talking.  This was a very painful lesson, but a very important one.

The other pitfall came in the form of my sister who is a Mormon, has multiple personalities, and talks to dead people. (The last two have become manifest in recent years, but she has been a Mormon since right after high school) I visited her for a few days prior to going to boot camp and, as one might expect, she tried to steer me toward Mormonism. At the time, I just thought they were another denomination of christianity. And yet, something was “wrong.” It’s that feeling that we get whenever error is being presented. At the time, I didn’t understand how the Holy Spirit leads us into truth. All I knew was “SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE!

In hindsight, those first days as a new believer revealed the Lords ability to sustain us; regardless of the ambience. I was not raised in a christian environment. I had no christian friends. Most of my friends were still busy playing Dungeons and Dragons while inventing new ways to not be normal. Most of my relatives viewed christianity as “everybody has their own interpretation.” It was an environment with no real Christian influence; other than Dennis and MaryAnn. Interestingly, Teresa and I had a major falling out in the spring of 1983 that lasted for over a month. Had this conflict not been resolved, I never would have met Dennis and MaryAnn and my my condition may well have continued on. 

Finally, on the evening of December 5, 1983, I departed Detroit Metropolitan Airport on a plane bound for San Diego where I would remain for the next six and a half months. To this day, I’m fear that, had the Lord Jesus not brought me to himself when he did, I may have never had another opportunity. Without a doubt, “Now is the day of salvation.”

INSTALLMENT III ”AND SO I ALMOST MARRIED A LOON and the EL CAJON BAPTISTS”

San Diego was a nice place to spend the winter; although the first eight weeks consisted only of glimpses from the Recruit Training station. Boot camp was, for the most part, uneventful, although I don’t remember there being any other christians in my company. (I’m thinking back alost 25 years) There was sunday services that anyone could attend, and while I remember one that was pretty good, most were very dry. Nonetheless, the Lord was faithful and the tidbits of truth that I had picked up before going into the navy were most needful as trying times lay ahead. 

Eight weeks of boot camp were followed by electrical school at NTC. This is where a flurry of problems began, starting with my terrible study habbits. It was increasingly dificult to study as the “goof around” mentality still remained strong. I began to fall behind insofar as the amount of time that I was taking to complete units (although units were done at an individual pace) Nonetheless, I hung on for a few months. One day I met a couple of brothers in Christ who attended a baptist church that was either on the exteme eastern edge of San Diego or the extreme westrn edge of El Cajon. They sent a van around to all of the bases every sunday, and so I began to attend this church.  I had not yet received the baptism of the Holy Ghost, however, I was firmly convinced of full gospel doctrine. I talked with Dennis and maryAnn, listened to a lot of teaching before going into the navy and searched scripture concerning these things This teaching simply fit scripture.

Regardless of the doctrinal difference, it was great to have fellowship with someone and they really had a zeal for the Lord. Very evengelistic and not in love with this present world. I was also baptized while going here, however I was later baptized in Jesus name. This will be detailed when I get to that part of the testimony. One thing was true in each case. I was striving to be obediant to the Lord Jesus and abide by scripture.  I was very young and as mentioned before, not brought up in a church setting; other than a denominational one when I was really young. I had not been indoctrinated, tradition-ated, or anything of this nature.  

I believe that it was shortly after meeting the saints from this church that Teresa made plans to come out by bus. We had discussed marriage before I went to boot camp, and now these plans were to be put in motion. (aaaah…young and void of understanding) It should be noted that Teresa was very much on the wild side and that such a union would have been a disaster from the outset. Nonetheless, this was an area where feelings for another were winning over something that scripture warns against; marrying one who is unsaved. I cannot remember exactly how long she was out there, but the distraction was so great that I began to falter in school. We had a small motel room somewhere north of the base (I was struggling with a host of issues) but after about ten days, things fell apart. Finally I was able to borrow enough money (I was broke! OH imagine that) to get her a bus ticket home. This ended what would have surely been a disaster of epic proportions.

It’s kind of funny. During high school, this was the only girl that I ever fell in love with. Yet things on the west coast became so crazy that I couldn’t get her on the bus fast enough. I really believe that the Lord spared me a ton of heartache, drama, and I can only imagine what else, when our plans fell apart as they did. (We met a few times back in 1989, after I returned to Michigan, but I’ve not heard from her since.)

Well, Teresa was returning home, but the aftermath presented new challenges. I was completely broke,  kicked out of school and soon to be shipped out to the fleet. Amazingly, this was an area where the navy allowed choices, based on availability, as to where one may desire to be stationed. As much as I liked San Diego, Virginia was within driving distance to home so I requested the east coast. In June, of 1984, I returned home for a few days leave before heading to Norfolk. (Wow. The more I write, the more boring my story seems to become) Despite the three ring circus that was my life in San Diego, I made it out still maintaining my testimony; although it was severely battered. Despite the times of chaos I really enjoyed the time spent out there and a lot of lessons were learned. I was especially greatful for the El Cajon saints being there.  This was my first encounter with an actual church since coming to Jesus the previous September. This page is really long, so I’ll continue this testimony on a second page.